Lose and Preserve

Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. -Luke 17:33

That's a horrible world out there. And inside.

Each day we battle with thousands, millions of decisions where we want to live without God. Skipping a prayer meeting because can't miss the party those cool guys throw out. Decided not to come to church as Saturday night is gonna be ladies night!

To be more precise, we wake up and have that anticipation to tell ourselves or to have this done: I want to live on my own!

One living example that I see. A bunch of kids who joined the youth service; they never missed one service, they learned the instrument with commitment and played during worship, they still show up even though it's time for Bible study, they helped out all the time during Christmas, they enjoyed so much to meet new friends and care for those newcomers, they share their happiness with people for being in the church,......

but once it came to the decision 'I wanna give my life to Christ,' they stopped at the door of gospel and hesitate, juggling a while whether they should really knock.

Because common sense makes us think, once we knock, we are gonna be Christ's slave forever and there are so many things that I haven't done which I really wanna do. Maybe a little while later.

So, they decided to wait. Till the day where they are free for Christ because their schedules are packed now.

So, they took off, really on their own, to different places and slowly, they lost the very remaining fire and Jesus is yet another name to be clicked 'like' on the fb but without any really intimate connection. Church is a place to hang out during Christmas. The rest of the days, work, bf/gf, traveling and whatever plans they squeezed from their mind just to make their lives look fulfilled. But inside there is just emptiness and never fulfilled.

Because we all believe in the LIE that we can live a better life out of ourselves but ah ah, not with God.

We are somehow like the Prodigal Son, we can't wait to venture the world, so we asked some permission from our DAD, sort of and we flew away.

But we made a little different promise that we will always come back. However, we didn't.

There are so many beautiful things that blurred our sight that we no longer put it on Jesus.

The Father of Lies is telling us that you sure gonna feel better if you eat that apple.

And we bought that, all the time.

Let me tell you this. I am one of these people. Everyone is so capable of being beaten to the ground.

But Grace lifts us up to the platform and give us the free chance to make choice again and battle on. It has to be cried out for.

I believe there is Heaven and Hell.

Yet I also believe that each day we get to choose to enter Heaven or Hell.

For as [a man] thinks within himself, so he is. -Proverbs 23:7

There is a freewill to make choice. Whether I'm gonna be with God today or I'm gonna not be. And the result is Heaven or Hell.

This choice is somehow called attitude as regarded by people. How you respond to the situation is always more important that the situation itself.

Some people were too indulged in the pleasure of sins as if there is a warm bed in the valley.

Some were ashamed away.

That's the opposite. Where the Truth is, His strength is always perfected in our weakness. The bad choices should always bring us closer to Him but not making us to shrink away.

In Narnia 2, C.S Lewis wrote, Aslan said to Prince Caspian, 'When you said you are not ready, then you are.'

'Commit' perhaps is a BIG word. But you surely don't want to miss the BIG LIFE behind the word.

Giving our lives to Christ is not the time when we lose our freedom but it's time when Christ set us free so we cried out 'ABBA, Father'.

Giving our lives to Christ is not when we lose ourselves but we found ourselves.

Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. -Luke 17:33

That's a horrible world out there!

You need God!

Father Heart of God

It had been two days I was working. I thought I was going kept this as a secret of what job it is and it is one you wouldn't never have a guess right.

After a big nap this afternoon, I decided to take a ride around the neighborhood. I was speeding and wavering during this rush hour where people started to come back from work. A gentle breeze came to greet and join the ride.

I was supposed to be happy, I guessed? I mean it was a riding to release tension.

But as I grew further and I knew a little bit more about Father everyday on, I realized that it doesn't help.

Instead during the ride, without even having any thoughts bothering my mind, there came an ache to my heart and it was aching.

It was controlling me and held my breath back.

I felt so empty inside during that moment just like what I had experienced on and off during this holidays.

The emptiness that rooted inside which I had to seek the reason for it.

This is how I feel during the year I studied medicine.

It was all about flying colours in my life before when it was all about study what they laid down for you.

My direction was to get A for the exam and I worked hard for it, that's all.

But ever since I got this medical course, during the year I studied, my mind started to be in woe and questioned, 'Is it that's all?'

I was trying to protect myself by saying that this is not the real desire from my heart.

But what my heart really questioned isn't whether I'm doing the right course,

It's about life.

I'm questioning life. This is how I found the emptiness inside me.

Life? After 5 years, doctor, got married, settled down, had couples of children, worried about children, took care of parents, worried about myself getting old, death......

That's all?? I couldn't imagine it but to imagine and then reason that there's no more direction for me to fight on.

Seriously, I was supposed to be fighting for all these things I stated which were so predictable?

I am already a Christian during the time. But I wasn't satisfied, not at all.

People taught me to took this course as a blessing and continued on but I can't!

What is the purpose?

I was searching for the purpose and I needed to know the purpose.

I demanded!

I needed to know why God wanted me so much to do this.

Cuz blessing doesn't satisfy my question, it doesn't answer me neither when you say, 'He has His plan and time.'

I need to know!

People tried to redefine life like me. When I was regret, I found many people are like me, indeed almost everyone of them.

We were questioning and seeking.

When I saw my friends working hard for the coming up exam, their passion in learning during the lecture, I felt so angry and rebellious.

I told myself that I couldn't be like them, I couldn't let my life to be in this cycle that I had been repeated for the past many years(passing exam, getting A, compete, become the best and again and again).

What is the definition of life then?

Study hard and then play hard.

Work hard and then play hard.

I can't see the direction and purpose. And I dare not to chase after my own dream neither as no matter what I did, no matter how well I had done, it were all ended in the same way, death!

This is so horrible!

During the time, I knew I'm going to heaven because of Jesus.

But I wasn't satisfied if I was going to spend so many times on earth which was not necessary at all.

And surprisingly, I had questioned it for the whole year.

I was challenging myself that what if I stopped doing what I regularly do...what if I let go of all the discipline I used to have?

And times and times of failures just struck me down too hard that my confidence disappear.

And,

this is it.

Then I started to seek comfort, from movies, internet and others which I strongly believed they were my true way.

It wasn't fear that drifted me away from what I should do.

It was doubt, false comfort and lack of Truth.

Friends always consoled me in a kind way that they thought it was fear from the previous F.

But it was just lack of motivation to continue what had been destined.

And I was dissatisfied of the destiny. I didn't want it to be so simple and boring and planned yet challenging it was not satisfying neither. I thought I was in a dead end. I couldn't come out from my failure yet I couldn't continue who I was.

Imagine nights and nights of phone calls to cry to my Mom. Nights and nights of stay up to think of the meaning of life. I even lose interest to make friends and talk to friends. Because seeing them chasing after and chasing after, I was so tired. They knew that they were chasing, but they just couldn't explain it and had defined this chasing right in the place in what a life should be.

This is why I always feel bullshit about philosophies. They can't explain things at all, they only confuse and motivate you for something that was not explained. I don't know.

But the One is amazing.

He brought hope.

He knew what my question is.

He respected my free will for my fall and He brought me back again and He told me what is life.

I used to wonder why it was so complicated for God to sacrifice His one and only Son for sinners instead of just wiping off sins from the world and destroyed all the evil.

And a sharing by a Pastor in a course I attended recently had told me that Jesus Christ was sacrificed because Father God long for relationship. He wants to reconcile us back to Himself. If we open our heart, He wants to just straight away give us the embrace without saying anything.

He wasn't a God we imagine as an angry Judge to condemn our sins. That is a lie!

He is a Father who is waiting for the child.

I am created for a purpose. I am created for that relationship. No one could fill that empty space inside me except Him.

My life turn to meaning instantly!

I wasn't just live to wait for the trip to heaven. There is a purpose!

Many people are searching for it just like me. And they put it in the wrong place.

They put it in how much money they could earn, how many luxuries they could enjoy, how many success they could build......

And for those who are tired of earning, they put the searching into addictions......, drugs, alcohol, pornography, masturbation, homosexuality......and to define these searching, they began to claim, 'I'm born this way!' I actually saw a gay blog titled, 'Born this way.'

They felt hurt when people humiliated their purpose. And as the rejections grew, so as the rebellion inside them.

How do you think Father would feel? He is hurt. He is carrying pain from everyone. Each person's pain felt by Him. He says, 'I only want to embrace you. My embrace does not have to be earned.'

We are born in a legitimate way to search for comfort which is Father. But we are hurt when we search for the false comfort because of the lies. This is a comfort in illegitimate way which Adam had done when he urged to have wisdom from the forbidden fruit and passed down to his descendants. By Jesus blood, He cleansed our sins and reconciled us back to the true comfort which is Father. This is why Jesus claimed Himself and also the Holy Spirit as comforter. And through this True comfort, we bear good fruits and perform gifts of God.

And the Greek word in the Bible, 'SOZO' carries other meanings,

Salvation
“That if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you shall be saved (sozo).” Romans 10:9

Healing
“But Jesus turning and seeing her said ‘Daughter take courage your faith has made you well (sozo) and at once the woman was made well (sozo).” Matthew 9:22

Deliverance
“And those who had seen it reported to them how the man who was demon-possessed had been made well (sozo).” Luke 8:36

And so Father is telling me the purpose of my life,

He is not only saving me, He wants to heal me from all my brokenness throughout my life and He wants to deliver me from pain and rejection I had been received.

So that I experience the pain, I acknowledge the pain and I didn't just forget about the pain, I proceed in His plan to help others.

My life turned to meaning and purpose, to the crown of life and things unseen.

Father wants to embrace others through me,

He has a plan, (And this time I truthfully felt the meaning of PLAN)

He wants to sanctify me and it's a process......and it is going to be what I will fight on in my life......,

But during the process, He wants me to let go and surrender......

And so my life is no more just waiting for salvation but it comes with sanctification to be complete.

This is why I truly understand the meaning of 'If I lose my life, then I will find my soul.'

And also why the bridge of 'Hosanna' started to make sense,

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's causeAs I walk from earth into eternity

'Yes, you are failed. So what! Get up and do My work!'