Connected

A friend lended me a CD, 'Everday Worship: 28 worship songs to inspire your walk' and I brought it home during this Chinese New Year break. Though my family are not english educated but they love it! The Rebecca version 'The Power of Your love' is my Mom's favourite and she keeps pushing me to rip the CD and burn for her before I return it back.

And I found it inspiring too when I faced some spiritual dryness that followed me in this mood of celebration. And today when I shut down my laptop, I saw the light of my Broadband and the External Disk dissipated away. It gave me some ideas to reflect my own self. I am just like the devices that lose their light once they disconnected with the power. Am I disconnected from God too?

Erm...partially correct. One bad habit I have is that when I'm having a big problem, I don't really take the effort to pray, rather somehow, I try to solve it myself. At the same time, when I'm not having any problem, I don't really seek God anymore. I only give Him one day, that is Sunday and it is just the morning I'm taking to praise my Heavenly Father. It seems or indeed I'm really disconnected all the time.

Just one day before this Chinese New Year Eve, I'm fallen sick. Part of the reason, I stuffed myself with all the heaty New Year biscuits. Okay, blame me. You could just imagine an illed redhead with running nose, trying to type something in front of her laptop.

And I'm playing the songs now while I'm blogging. Each one of it is so nice. I think singing songs to Him is one of the way to connect with Him. Like the part playing now is, 'But I need You to love me and I, I won't keep my heart from You this time...' [I need You to love me composed by Barlowgirl]

And there is one more song which the lyrics really speaks to me, 'And like a newborn baby, don't be afraid to crawl, and remember when you walk, sometimes we fall so fall on Jesus.'

When I fell, often I was ashamed to ask forgiveness from God. But we must realise one thing, God never condemn us. To take away the guilt inside us is to going back to Him again because He is love! Amen! But we must remember, that doesn't make the excuse that we can sin again and again. Because the Spirit of Truth is there to guide along the way and God won't give us a temptation beyond what we can bear. We must know that not every temptation comes from God and we should have the wisdom to distinguish them and stand firm for God. Amen!

Lastly, have you connected? Do you need some recharge?



sources of the CD:

www.missionworship.com
www.rayofhopeamazon.com

My Life [This is a Title assigned by LHP453]

15 years ago, if you happened to walk past a painted blue terrace house with a beautiful garden at the front yard and you heard a loud classical orchestra playing, you stopped by and looked into the house, seeing a 8-year-old girl you thought she would be, who was actually only five, closed her eyes and moved her hands in the air passionately as if she was the conductor and she ruled the flow, that would be me. You felt amused when the small hand pointed to one direction, softly, indicating that the music to be slow and low. What a gentle girl the family have, you think, but not at all!!

In fact, I was a headache which made the reason why I grew up basking in love from Grandpa and Grandma. My own parents felt it was a must to separate this mischievous fellow from the rest of their children who were still small and vulnerable to non-stopping prank. And starting a life with grandparents were nothing different. In fact my Grandma was just at her 40s to look after me. Every morning I would wake up at five, watching Grandpa puffing on his cigarette at the front yard and it was so silent that if you listened carefully, you would hear the sound of train passing by though the railway station was so far away. Then, here came the school bus of students, making noise still in the morning, I was so excited to see people going to school that I would shout whatever came to my mind. After that, three of us would be heading to the morning market for breakfast regularly. And at night, I must not skip the Japanese army invading the fish village bedtime stories by Grandma before I shut myself down to dream and reverie. She even spoke to me the Teochew tongue twister to make me sleep. Until today, I still remembered the lines.

Practically, I didn't trap myself up at home with Barbie dress up or cooking games. Instead, my playmates were all boys! They didn't discriminate me but only to exclude me whenever they peed at the drain. We had a lot of fun together. There was a season where we were all addicted to catching frog. Every single day, you would find me with one hand holding a mineral bottle and another hand grabbing the rusty fence, seeking after my preys in a drain. I couldn't tell why we were all so proud of it especially when we scored the highest hunting results of the day. Putting a milo tin cover over two bricks and by placing a lighted candle between the bricks, here we went, cooking the tadpoles and then ate them! It sounded disgusting and yes, we did it!

Unlike other children, I was stubborn, disliked asking questions but to figure out things myself. Once I tried to make a kite myself, record the TV programme down to the video tape and most dangerously, learn the function of each button of my uncle's hi-fi system. My uncle never let anyone to put a single finger on his hi-fi baby and that was challenging to break the rule. At the same time, after putting some effort, I proudly used my chopsticks in front of my peers who were still holding forks. It was a life with finding solutions.

Not forget to mention, I had quick temper as a little girl. I remembered an old woman who scolded me when I simply touched the eggs at her grocery store. As a feedback, I smashed her egg to the floor right in front her eyes. Of course, Grandma had to pay for it and hear all the curses coming out from the Tauke Neo. Since then, Grandma refused to buy from the store. Another time was, when I was trying to sleep, the foreign workers started their night life again by playing radio loudly. I ruined their party by opening my window and shouted, 'Diam-diam la!!! [Quiet!!!]'. According to mother, I sounded like an adult and the music was off soon after my warning.

Being a child was fun, but I realised it was time to grow up the moment I moved back to stay with Mom and Dad and became the eldest of the four. Still, I wasn't as mature as they expected at my age. Staying with siblings was another type of joy after waving goodbye to my buddies. I was 9 or so when I came to this unfamiliar family. But we had grown up together, planting green peas, rearing koi, watching Power Puff Girls, playing SUPER MARIO BROS, having fight, everything we did it together. We even created our own language that the parents couldn't understand when we talked. Three of them often made me their leader, we were like Teen Titans.

Ah, almost forget Coco. Coco was my dog and my best friend ever. He was not any pedigree that I went to pick up from a Dog House. But we met at an extraordinary evening, where a stray puppy was looking at me innocently, pleading some mercies and food. Then, we became awesome partner together, in the mission to attack all the cats in the back alley. Whenever I whistled, Coco would follow me, behind my bicycle. We traveled the town together everyday, after school. At night, he would sleep at our front yard, guarding our house. Coco felt like a guardian angel to me. He came to my life the time I was having difficult time. He cheered me up and kept my company. But one day he just disappeared. Maybe he left after seeing me growing up.

I never thought of being doctor. As a child, I dreamed of being an Orchestra conductor, a film director or a writer. Frankly, it was my brother who became illed and motivated me. I rememberd at Matriculation, I failed to apply Biology but I enjoyed the Physics course very much. I thought I was going to be an engineer or a geologist. My roommate even bragged about her father who being a doctor. I thought I would never have a chance as a Physics student. But God work His miracle in me. After some long story, I ended up here.

Looking back at my life, I feel it would be a waste if I stop living for today. Many little details that flashed through my mind reminded me how precious a life is. I shouldn't be bothered with some small failures that blocked my vision. I knew it was a tough competition here. Rather comparing myself with others, I feel living for God is more important. I do not know any philosophy or how to forcefully boost the optimism inside me. But once I know every step I'm taking is watching by Him, I am grateful enough to keep holding on. Knowing that He is my greatest motivation, I guess my life does not end here but with more surprise to come, as long as I am willing to.

A little sharing

Ever since I'm here, whenever an inspiration or a sudden thought of life comes and knocks my head, I always refuse it as I can't afford to waste the time here.

But today, I felt the need to do a little sharing here.

A few moments ago, I just talked to Mom over phone. I was asking how is my brother, David. And my Mom cried whenever she mentioned him. I knew it but I also urgently concerned about my brother.

I didn't know when did it started, that I wasn't close to him anymore. He was like a complete stranger since then, that we never talked to each other even tough I came home from Campus or him coming back from the care center.

Let me just tell you this before you are getting confused of what I'm going to write.

I have two brothers, both of them are not going to school. They have different conditions, but both are psychological problem so far, as what being told by the doctor.

But I wasn't ashamed of telling it and I felt like to share it here, especially about David.

If you wish to know more about David, you can just go my previous blog, link here: http://changingw.blogspot.com/2010/06/another-little-prince.html
[He would be slimmer now than the picture you see.]

And what I'm going to write here is about his updates and something that came to my mind when I was on the phone just now.

In fact he wasn't getting good, rather he was in Hiding Place, switching back to a terrible place which actually a rehab centre for drug addicts and those headache teenagers.

And they changed the treatment, this time no medicine. But at the same time, David was starved if he was not behaving properly.

When mother paid him a visit, she only saw a sick boy, slimmer than anyone could take and wasn't even aware of the reality of the world anymore.

Do you get it? Like a person who can't feel the world or feel the life he's having.

I was actually touched that he immediately prayed for me the time he heard I got into accident. But now, none of my single life, or a second I have given to pray for him.

I was drunk in this university, with materials, with friends and laughters, with all the fun I always had. And all these distractions have totally, to my terror, wash him away off my mind. I forgot him completely. I forgot about the very first reason I came here.

I forgot to give thanks to God. I forgot to work hard as I had promised Him.

I forgot so many things, left uncounted.

After you read all these, you would be as shocking as I am when all I'm concerning about are, why I can't play piano, why I can't dance, why I need to study, why, why and why, so many whys that none of them can be compared with what David's facing.

Just now, I apologized to Mom. I told her that I'm sorry for even tough I grew up healthily and I ended up in an university, taking a very precious and proud course, medical doctor......and I still complained. And I never stopped complaining. And I never stopped at one moment, thinking about my own life, taking initiative to be a bit, just a bit more rational and mature.

And I would like to know if my sharing has affected you in anyway or not at all.

But to myself, it makes me to think a lot. I'm sure tonight is something different.

And I also wish to remind my brothers and sisters, no matter what talent you possessed, how less you are compared to other people, the salvation you have is more than enough to give thanks for. Shouldn't it be time to bless other people instead of feeling small beside them? Don't you agree, God's grace is always good enough?

http://my.tv.sohu.com/u/vw/3786494

[This first song of the video is the song that David once sang to Mom after he learned it from the Kindergarden, he was crying when he sang the song and he told Mom he was touched for what Mom was doing for him, as a child of five! He was brave and voluntereed to give speech during his kindergarden graduation day. He woke up on his own for school and after school, he would do the housework for Mom. He loved my younger brother and sister very much, he often hugged them. Even tough Mom didn't mention it, but I knew no one can replace him in her heart. He was the best child I had ever seen. I felt embarrassed while I was just a Bullier at home and had the adults done everything for me. To visualise it, he is Jerry and I am Tom.]

So, therefore my dear brothers and sisters, if anyone of you had seen this post, please pray for my brother, David Kho, that may Lord do what the best He wanted for him, heal him according to His will and give David a whole new life, in Jesus' name, Amen!

Damn, I did it!

It was another bright morning I woke up to, praise the Lord!

And we headed to '记得吃' aka Kei Tak Sek, a dim sum restaurant with Grandma to yum zoe cha.

When we went to fetch Grandma, Grandpa was like, 'What the heck?!!' when seeing my bright shinning golden with a pair of dark black eyebrows.

Damn, I dyed my hair! xDD

So, I let him to lecture me, like for 5mins before we went off to stuff our stomach.

And I even joked that, if later on, when the waiter come to bury the bill, I'll just hit the table and they will sure let us fly off without paying.

Cuz seriously, now I look like I'm the gangster head in the town.

I initially want some A'mo effect but it turns out become kiam pak[annoying] face.

I don't know how I'm gonna face people in campus later.

Gangster + Doctor??

well, that is sure something new.

BrEAK~

Name the uses of a paper clip as many as possible.

How many can you call out?

According to research, genius came out with 2000 and people who get older came out with lesser ideas. It had became a global acceptance that as we grew older, we became forgetful and sometimes we couldn't think better, it was just that we became wiser and we understood things in a more realistic and rational way, better than children. But children learn faster, their adapting skills are way better. Adults came out with ideas, based on experiences but you can see that they just have to admit,'I'm getting older, I just can't recall the name of the guy I met the other day and I always have to make a shopping list before I do my groceries.'

Indeed, I never done my shopping list and I remembered exactly what I had to buy, but it was couple of years ago.

I trust in one theory, our brain do not grow old like a machine, in fact they can't be rusty. It is just that, the machine man became lazy and was reluctant to operate it. We often made excuse, like we had gold fish memories because we aged time from time. But it made sense when I said, it is just because we refuse to memorise. We felt we take that job enough. It's time for some understanding and application without memorising. In fact, it became an encouragement as when we advanced to higher education. They gave us the formula and we applied it in a question. We never had to remember it.

People may argue, 'I would die if you make me to memorise all those bloody-hell formula.' It's true. Because deep down inside you, you feel that it's me who take control of your brain. I make you to memorise but you yourself never want to be the one who push yourself to memorise. We are afraid!! We are scared! A fear that when we start that machine again, it cannot work! Sarcastically, thinking or I mean, having thoughts is an action that has been considered risk. As emotion and stress grow inside, they demand a space, apart from mere thoughts.

A friend of mine once told me that she thought of being a writer. But she had but to take marine biology. Sometimes, we have to say, there isn't much choice left in Malaysia, right? I mean, we don't get to choose what we want, because often we have to be bright on those frozen field, unless we really decide to give up our meals for dreams. That is quite imbueing yet imbecile.

But in this recent few days, I felt that I made the right choice. I read a book, 'From Derision to Inspiration' by a Prof from Taiwan. It takes only few pages to stop me from reading that book. I mean something really inspiring gives me an opposite inspiration. I'm surprised.

The book quoted the Father of DNA, Dr.James Watson. He once told people, that do not doubt to make a change when you feel that situation is not right for you. He described future as dating a girl. When you see another girl who looks prettier, you better change the date swiftly. Just like a course, when you see something brighter in you, never doubt to switch your choice.

But I was inspired instead, to run in a way opposed to him. I wasn't a bad case, with a dream waited on the other side for me. I just had my own ambition but I made the choice. Remember? I was the one who picked up the course. No other variables. So, what I have to do isn't like what Dr.Watson said, jump quickly. I made the choice, so I just had to keep making it everyday.

I was planning to watch 'The Social Network' today but 'The Next Three Days' took over because my sis didn't look like 18, I mean, she doesn't. To my surprise, it was the first time I bought ticket for a movie I hadn't check out the storyline and it turned out a very nice movie!

It was all about a prison break plan by a desperate husband who strongly believed that his wife was not a murderer. Of course, things got easier when he switched the medical report for the wife and had the wife to be sent to the hospital where practically he rescued her there. The husband is a familiar guy I saw in Beautiful Mind. Then, I saw a woman from 'House' who played as the mother of his son's friend. Like any other Hollywood movie, it purposes to amaze you that any teacher from a town can just create such brilliant plan and with little bit luck, they managed to escape and settle life in Venezuela.

Sometimes, desperation can just move the guy to really operate his brain. And of course trust is the main theme here. Somehow this is what that support a marriage. You trust because you are able to assure yourself this is what you know about the person. Like what the husband said, 'I know her. She will never do that.' And he almost broke down when the wife claimed that,'You believe I did not do it?' Yea, the wife was arrested because of a very bad coincidence and lacking of evidence to help her. She was not the killer after all.

And then, I caught a chance to see a group of Christian youths performing Christmas carols. But I missed the picture of them performing. I only took it when they were heading down the stage.