I remembered how rejoiceful my mother was when she heard that her daughter was sitting for the PTS. As a child of 9, I never knew how did the three alphabet all together meant for me, I was annoyed for having to pay for the exercise book and moved my chair and bag to the First Class for extra lesson just to prepare for the PTS. I was a Second Class student that squeezed in behind, never knew what was going on until I left blank for all the questions in the day of exam. To be honest, I found out that I could jump to Standard 5 if I exceled well in the PTS only when I turned 13. Nobody ever taught me what were the path I was going to take ever since I was little.
I was motivated to get the first place in class just because it sounded awesome and every other students wanted it. But I didn't remember I had put any effort for it, the rest of the time after class was spent for my own self activities; looking after my fish, looking after my green peas, talking to my toys, watching TV and planning games for the siblings which I would win in the end. Therefore, the so-called first place I had, remained in Second Class because I just competed among the classmates, I never had the interest to go higher. And then I wsa busy hanging out with my dog, Coco until one day, my mother cried for seeing me not working hard. Worst, when I got to enter First Class during standard 4, in shame I had to sit at the so-called Special Place for terrible students, there were four of us and I was the only girl. The teacher was bored to beat me for not achieving good grades and passing up homework.
So, I stayed at the bottom until Standard 6. I never had any chance to step up the stage and receive any trophy. I wasn't noticed in the class, rather, primary students were intellectually eligible enough to look down on people who were lower than them, in academic ranking. I signed up myself for the tuition class for students with lower academic results and I was happy to mingle with them and teach them homework.
Then, when UPSR was near, everyone was nervous, so was I. Adults described it as something very important in one's life that you must sit for it with your life. And the number of As was even more vital for the build up of your status later. Then, the famous Han Chiang private college in Penang came to our school to do promotion. At the end of their seminar, the lady asked, "Which one of you think that you can get 7As for UPSR, please rise up your hand." The hall ceased to sudden silent, everyone looked at each other and there was only one hand waving in the air, which was me. The top 1 and top 2 of the batch stared at me and felt amused and started to whisper to each other.
No one teach me how to proceed my steps like they do. Their parents were anxious until they had helped the school to list out the top 10 everytime after exam. Their calculation of the marks was even faster than the school. They had perfect study strategy with the best tuition, the best exercise books and the best preparation before exam.
But I was just a girl who had the mere believe that I could do it. And yes, I studied hard and my results rose up like a rocket during trial and I got 7As eventually, as I had promised. I tasted the sweetness of fruit bore from my own hard work, I got reward of money from every relative that met me. Grandfather was proud of me, the first 7As in the family.
Well, how did I do that? Because the old self of mine within that time wouldn't compare myself with others and would never feel pity for the previous terrible results I had. All I knew was, go for it. So, how could I possibly losing faith for myself now, that I can't be the first doctor of the family, especially when God is with me now?! It was amazing that sometimes the 'me' in the past had motivated the 'me' in the present. At the same time, we can see how horrible it seems as a person grows up, he or she will be blinded by so many things in the world that they have been formed into a realistic and selfish coward.
The Bible says,
and
live a life filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control Gal 5:22-23
Amens!
*no more givin you up, my life
I was motivated to get the first place in class just because it sounded awesome and every other students wanted it. But I didn't remember I had put any effort for it, the rest of the time after class was spent for my own self activities; looking after my fish, looking after my green peas, talking to my toys, watching TV and planning games for the siblings which I would win in the end. Therefore, the so-called first place I had, remained in Second Class because I just competed among the classmates, I never had the interest to go higher. And then I wsa busy hanging out with my dog, Coco until one day, my mother cried for seeing me not working hard. Worst, when I got to enter First Class during standard 4, in shame I had to sit at the so-called Special Place for terrible students, there were four of us and I was the only girl. The teacher was bored to beat me for not achieving good grades and passing up homework.
So, I stayed at the bottom until Standard 6. I never had any chance to step up the stage and receive any trophy. I wasn't noticed in the class, rather, primary students were intellectually eligible enough to look down on people who were lower than them, in academic ranking. I signed up myself for the tuition class for students with lower academic results and I was happy to mingle with them and teach them homework.
Then, when UPSR was near, everyone was nervous, so was I. Adults described it as something very important in one's life that you must sit for it with your life. And the number of As was even more vital for the build up of your status later. Then, the famous Han Chiang private college in Penang came to our school to do promotion. At the end of their seminar, the lady asked, "Which one of you think that you can get 7As for UPSR, please rise up your hand." The hall ceased to sudden silent, everyone looked at each other and there was only one hand waving in the air, which was me. The top 1 and top 2 of the batch stared at me and felt amused and started to whisper to each other.
No one teach me how to proceed my steps like they do. Their parents were anxious until they had helped the school to list out the top 10 everytime after exam. Their calculation of the marks was even faster than the school. They had perfect study strategy with the best tuition, the best exercise books and the best preparation before exam.
But I was just a girl who had the mere believe that I could do it. And yes, I studied hard and my results rose up like a rocket during trial and I got 7As eventually, as I had promised. I tasted the sweetness of fruit bore from my own hard work, I got reward of money from every relative that met me. Grandfather was proud of me, the first 7As in the family.
Well, how did I do that? Because the old self of mine within that time wouldn't compare myself with others and would never feel pity for the previous terrible results I had. All I knew was, go for it. So, how could I possibly losing faith for myself now, that I can't be the first doctor of the family, especially when God is with me now?! It was amazing that sometimes the 'me' in the past had motivated the 'me' in the present. At the same time, we can see how horrible it seems as a person grows up, he or she will be blinded by so many things in the world that they have been formed into a realistic and selfish coward.
The Bible says,
and
live a life filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control Gal 5:22-23
Amens!
*no more givin you up, my life
