Father Heart of God

It had been two days I was working. I thought I was going kept this as a secret of what job it is and it is one you wouldn't never have a guess right.

After a big nap this afternoon, I decided to take a ride around the neighborhood. I was speeding and wavering during this rush hour where people started to come back from work. A gentle breeze came to greet and join the ride.

I was supposed to be happy, I guessed? I mean it was a riding to release tension.

But as I grew further and I knew a little bit more about Father everyday on, I realized that it doesn't help.

Instead during the ride, without even having any thoughts bothering my mind, there came an ache to my heart and it was aching.

It was controlling me and held my breath back.

I felt so empty inside during that moment just like what I had experienced on and off during this holidays.

The emptiness that rooted inside which I had to seek the reason for it.

This is how I feel during the year I studied medicine.

It was all about flying colours in my life before when it was all about study what they laid down for you.

My direction was to get A for the exam and I worked hard for it, that's all.

But ever since I got this medical course, during the year I studied, my mind started to be in woe and questioned, 'Is it that's all?'

I was trying to protect myself by saying that this is not the real desire from my heart.

But what my heart really questioned isn't whether I'm doing the right course,

It's about life.

I'm questioning life. This is how I found the emptiness inside me.

Life? After 5 years, doctor, got married, settled down, had couples of children, worried about children, took care of parents, worried about myself getting old, death......

That's all?? I couldn't imagine it but to imagine and then reason that there's no more direction for me to fight on.

Seriously, I was supposed to be fighting for all these things I stated which were so predictable?

I am already a Christian during the time. But I wasn't satisfied, not at all.

People taught me to took this course as a blessing and continued on but I can't!

What is the purpose?

I was searching for the purpose and I needed to know the purpose.

I demanded!

I needed to know why God wanted me so much to do this.

Cuz blessing doesn't satisfy my question, it doesn't answer me neither when you say, 'He has His plan and time.'

I need to know!

People tried to redefine life like me. When I was regret, I found many people are like me, indeed almost everyone of them.

We were questioning and seeking.

When I saw my friends working hard for the coming up exam, their passion in learning during the lecture, I felt so angry and rebellious.

I told myself that I couldn't be like them, I couldn't let my life to be in this cycle that I had been repeated for the past many years(passing exam, getting A, compete, become the best and again and again).

What is the definition of life then?

Study hard and then play hard.

Work hard and then play hard.

I can't see the direction and purpose. And I dare not to chase after my own dream neither as no matter what I did, no matter how well I had done, it were all ended in the same way, death!

This is so horrible!

During the time, I knew I'm going to heaven because of Jesus.

But I wasn't satisfied if I was going to spend so many times on earth which was not necessary at all.

And surprisingly, I had questioned it for the whole year.

I was challenging myself that what if I stopped doing what I regularly do...what if I let go of all the discipline I used to have?

And times and times of failures just struck me down too hard that my confidence disappear.

And,

this is it.

Then I started to seek comfort, from movies, internet and others which I strongly believed they were my true way.

It wasn't fear that drifted me away from what I should do.

It was doubt, false comfort and lack of Truth.

Friends always consoled me in a kind way that they thought it was fear from the previous F.

But it was just lack of motivation to continue what had been destined.

And I was dissatisfied of the destiny. I didn't want it to be so simple and boring and planned yet challenging it was not satisfying neither. I thought I was in a dead end. I couldn't come out from my failure yet I couldn't continue who I was.

Imagine nights and nights of phone calls to cry to my Mom. Nights and nights of stay up to think of the meaning of life. I even lose interest to make friends and talk to friends. Because seeing them chasing after and chasing after, I was so tired. They knew that they were chasing, but they just couldn't explain it and had defined this chasing right in the place in what a life should be.

This is why I always feel bullshit about philosophies. They can't explain things at all, they only confuse and motivate you for something that was not explained. I don't know.

But the One is amazing.

He brought hope.

He knew what my question is.

He respected my free will for my fall and He brought me back again and He told me what is life.

I used to wonder why it was so complicated for God to sacrifice His one and only Son for sinners instead of just wiping off sins from the world and destroyed all the evil.

And a sharing by a Pastor in a course I attended recently had told me that Jesus Christ was sacrificed because Father God long for relationship. He wants to reconcile us back to Himself. If we open our heart, He wants to just straight away give us the embrace without saying anything.

He wasn't a God we imagine as an angry Judge to condemn our sins. That is a lie!

He is a Father who is waiting for the child.

I am created for a purpose. I am created for that relationship. No one could fill that empty space inside me except Him.

My life turn to meaning instantly!

I wasn't just live to wait for the trip to heaven. There is a purpose!

Many people are searching for it just like me. And they put it in the wrong place.

They put it in how much money they could earn, how many luxuries they could enjoy, how many success they could build......

And for those who are tired of earning, they put the searching into addictions......, drugs, alcohol, pornography, masturbation, homosexuality......and to define these searching, they began to claim, 'I'm born this way!' I actually saw a gay blog titled, 'Born this way.'

They felt hurt when people humiliated their purpose. And as the rejections grew, so as the rebellion inside them.

How do you think Father would feel? He is hurt. He is carrying pain from everyone. Each person's pain felt by Him. He says, 'I only want to embrace you. My embrace does not have to be earned.'

We are born in a legitimate way to search for comfort which is Father. But we are hurt when we search for the false comfort because of the lies. This is a comfort in illegitimate way which Adam had done when he urged to have wisdom from the forbidden fruit and passed down to his descendants. By Jesus blood, He cleansed our sins and reconciled us back to the true comfort which is Father. This is why Jesus claimed Himself and also the Holy Spirit as comforter. And through this True comfort, we bear good fruits and perform gifts of God.

And the Greek word in the Bible, 'SOZO' carries other meanings,

Salvation
“That if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you shall be saved (sozo).” Romans 10:9

Healing
“But Jesus turning and seeing her said ‘Daughter take courage your faith has made you well (sozo) and at once the woman was made well (sozo).” Matthew 9:22

Deliverance
“And those who had seen it reported to them how the man who was demon-possessed had been made well (sozo).” Luke 8:36

And so Father is telling me the purpose of my life,

He is not only saving me, He wants to heal me from all my brokenness throughout my life and He wants to deliver me from pain and rejection I had been received.

So that I experience the pain, I acknowledge the pain and I didn't just forget about the pain, I proceed in His plan to help others.

My life turned to meaning and purpose, to the crown of life and things unseen.

Father wants to embrace others through me,

He has a plan, (And this time I truthfully felt the meaning of PLAN)

He wants to sanctify me and it's a process......and it is going to be what I will fight on in my life......,

But during the process, He wants me to let go and surrender......

And so my life is no more just waiting for salvation but it comes with sanctification to be complete.

This is why I truly understand the meaning of 'If I lose my life, then I will find my soul.'

And also why the bridge of 'Hosanna' started to make sense,

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's causeAs I walk from earth into eternity

'Yes, you are failed. So what! Get up and do My work!'

Feeling

Early in the morning, your phone rang and it was your girlfriend.

She sounded weird today.

She asked you to meet in the Coffee Shop you two first met. Her voice was heavy.

You came and sat down in front of her.

She turned away to avoid from looking at you and took a sip of the coffee.

'What is it, dear?' you were curious and deep down inside you, you felt something was wrong!

'Ermm,...'She looked nervous but she took a deep breath and said,

'I'm so sorry. But I just think we shouldn't be together.'

'So this is it?' you asked and hoped for a 'no'.

'Let's break up.'

Your world sank.

Your girlfriend got up and prepared to leave.

You grabbed her arm and said, 'Please~'

She swung her arm away and said, 'I just don't have the feeling anymore.'

Then, through the glass window, you saw a striking sport car awaiting.

Your girlfriend hooped on the car and was gone from your sight.

Your sat down in despair and scratched your head.

A few days later, your girlfriend appeared at the door.

You opened the door.

She threw herself into you and cried.

'He cheated on me. I'm wrong. I shouldn't leave you.'

[If you are the guy, what would you do?]

[Slap her and say, 'Back off, slut?!!']

If Jesus is the guy,...

He hugs the girl and says, 'I will always be there for you.'

Yes, God will always be there for us. Even tough we have done mistakes, He is not there to be angry at us, but He always wants us to come back to Him, just like the Parable of the Lost Son in the Bible.

But this doesn't make an excuse for us to continue our sins.

Arr, arr, we must try our best to be strong in Christ so that we could fulfill His plan which lead us to a life full of blessing.

Did you lose the feeling about God's presence today? That would be a fake feeling as God is always there for you and He wants you to surrender.

1 Peter 1:3-8

³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

⁴ and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you,

⁵ who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,

Simply

Music is a good thing. People say it heals the soul. I can't help to agree with that and wonder how amazingly God had created all our senses to be able to feel how the nature sounds and how other people feel.

And the Bible says He created us in His image. Imagine how amazing is that! You don't have to worry to see the Creator when the day comes. cuz' He is just like us!

If you want to be filled with this wonder again, look at the mirror now and think, 'Wow, our Heavenly Father will look just like this too, a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth, a pair of ears.'

He smiles, cries, loves, gets angry sometimes, forgives just like us! But one main difference between God and man is His greater love. He loves until He dies for the people who loves Him, hates Him or to say EVERYONE!

I mean, who could do that?

Even if I am starting this blog, it is so meaningless compared to Jesus death on the cross.

Imagine, even a prisoner struggles at his death sentence, get mad just the time before he is to be hung. There are stories like that, I bet you know.

But a death sentence on cross deserves the word 'excruciate'!

Did Jesus struggle for it?

Yes. He prayed to Father the whole night before Judas sold Him to the Pharisees. He struggled too especially when He had to die for other people's sins, bad things done by other people and He had to die for people who curse Him, hate Him and humiliate Him.

If there's anyone who read this, I know everyday Satan fed lies in us, they are trying to tell us,

there must be some other way the world is created, sex can actually replace love, you should hate your mother who once hurt you, YOU ARE BORN THIS WAY(homosexual, alcoholic, punk,......)so you should be proud of it......

But hey, Jesus loves you! Don't you think the love that is as great as the death on cross could cover everything, the grief, pain and sadness inside you?

Why don't you try to talk to Jesus, when He is the best friend in the world?

Ask Him, 'Hey, you love me, right?' if you are questioning...then you will feel the answer, the hug, the love...Trust me, you can feel it! He is there for everyone.

Now, back to music. I said I like it because music inspires me to write and most of them were soundtracks.

One of my favorite is Forrest Gump's theme.

If you haven't watch the movie, I suggest you to give a try.

One of the reason I was attracted to this movie is that

he had always said,

"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

But with Jesus Christ, life was like a box of chocolates, you can invite Him to taste each one together with you.

Churchy Baby Hatch

Headline of China Press tonight, 'Male baby thrown from height.'

It caught my attention more than the JPA issue lately. I sent my blessings to these students who had the chance to go to IMU, Monash and many more. But I knew that their hard work were not really paid off. I am sure many know as well, there are lower ranking students who had took their plane and lower ranking brain to overseas. System betrayed itself and exposed injustice which was and is legendary.

Coming back to the R.I.P of the unknown baby with unknown parents and murderer, who can we blame?

According to the report, it is found 287 infant deaths in 6 years in our country. If they were to be alive and raised, they were the mischievous you would see in the playground, kindergarten or even ballet class now. Of course, they must be coming from the poor but they never regretted choosing the parents.

Question is, why would the parents have chosen for such a bad welcoming for the new born? Some died of being torn by the stray dog, that must be hurt, painful and unfair!

To be exact, 287 souls never know what they have done so wrongly to deserve this.

Question again, should we blame, point finger or think of the best solution?

The press reported that 'Orphan Care' had came out with 'Baby Hatch' to protect these babies. Fyi, 'Baby Hatch' is a container with air-conditioner installed and placed outside the orphanage. There is sensor and CCTV inside the container to inform the person-in-charged if a new baby is abandoned. Forms are provided to fill in the date and time of birth and some other details. To ensure that no exposure of identity, CCTV will not be installed around the 'Baby Hatch'.

Thus, parents can give away babies securely on the 'Baby Hatch' instead of throwing them around like trash.

This is the best resolution so far. But for sure, this never uprooted the main problem.

Just like in preventing AIDs and more abandoned babies, we knew that sex education helps no more but to give freely away condoms with the mindset that this is the least we can do.

If this is the least we can do, we can do more.

If people raise their hands and say, 'No use, these kids wouldn't listen. They would feel that sex education is stupid!'

Yea, I agree. Even I feel awkward and stupid when a teacher gets up on stage and talks about sex as we are standing for school assembly. Boy classmates would start to tease each other around and make fun of the girls sometimes. The whole thing is too awkward that we forget the important warning behind the education and still step in the trap in future.

One reason I could provide for sex education not working out (in fact a plenty I could state) is you are feeding the kids two way!

In school, you told them 'We must be careful. We must protect ourselves. It is holy and we must only to do it after marriage.'

But at home, at cinema, in fact everywhere, TV, Hollywood movies, rap songs are telling them, 'Come on, see my boobs and strip my clothes cuz this is awesome!'

Some parents even own adult video collection at home and wait for their teenagers to find out themselves.

The 'RSS Feed' for the negative thing is more than for positive thing. So what do you say? An awkward talking of sex at school or a porn video on internet is more convincing?

Then you ask, 'What can we do? We can't stop the actors and actresses in One Tree Hill, Grey Anatomy and Desperate Housewives from having sex! We can't stop either the Showdown 2011 from dancing for a dirty song. We can't stop Justin Bieber from singing 'Never Say Never'!

It's like a fever out there for people to sleep around. The more you scold your child, the more they get rebellious!

So, if I ask in return, 'WHY?'

A father will say, 'Because they will say, 'You don't get me!'

Yes!!! The point surfaced!

The best quote of the teenager, 'You don't get me!' Sometimes, the world doesn't get him/her either.

But listen here, friends,

God gets the kids. Amen?

God loves these kids. Amen?

The best solution is God! Amen?

'Oh no!!!' you would say. 'I had been preaching so much, sending away so many flyers but no one even appreciate it!'

'I know, I know! Only God can save them. But kids like Justin more than Jesus. They even say, 'DON'T TALK JESUS TO ME!''

Now this is only the main body of my post today. The rest are just an introduction to bring you here.

Imagine a troubled person came into a church and he sees everyone wearing checkered shirt and slack pants, acting in a holy manner, looking at him with a pairs of despising eyes, then the Pastor got on stage, pointed to a troubled teen girl and said, 'Why are you not hooding?!!' People turn and look at the girl being accused and then whispered.

The first thing that came to these troubled teenagers' mind, 'I want to go home! God is just too far away! I will never be loved by God!'

It seemed as if the fish that just came to the net were not even liked by the fishermen.

And the Pastor looks just like the Pharisee who asked the disciples why aren't they washing hands before eating.

I just want to say, God is not just a God behind the platform, the piano and old hymns.

He can be a God who rap, hip hop but the most important is that our God is a God who wants no soul in hell and every soul in Heaven. Amen!

If you are so religion-oriented that you chase away all the sheeps of our Shepherd, you got to prepare yourself for the Judgment Day. See Matthew 18:6-7.

The LORD came to search for the sinners and not for righteous.

And I'm hundred percent sure everyone is sinner even the pastor. Now that we are saved, it doesn't mean we can just go out and judge those who are in sins. It is as if we are the prisoners who had been set free, but never helped other prisoners, instead we laughed at them outside the prison. How wicked are we?

This is why the command of the LORD is to do not judge and make disciples of nations. He wants us to go out and help other, tell them about God.

But if you are trying to tell people about God and yet judging them, what good is it?

'They are just a bunch of holy people.' (God doesn't want people to look at Christian like this.)

We often mistaken that judging is a 'word' for brothers and sisters in Christ. Indeed, if a brother has sinned so obviously and seriously until he ruined the gospel, I tell you, I can even scold and slap him in anger for doing such things in knowing the Truth. (I was a bit exaggerating.)Judging is a 'word' for the non-believer, to be more precise.

To be honest to our own self, how many of us have been judging non-believers, despising their practices and their sharing? But by judging, it does not save them, it does not tell the kids not to have sex.

Instead, if you dressed like a modern people, discussed music with them, invited them to church, hugged them and said 'I love you', these kids actually felt what true love is(after being hugged, recognized and befriended), they learn to surrender.

Obedience comes with surrender, not rules, canning or accusing.

You have to be confidently tell them, 'Hey, I get you!'

If you squeezed yourself in a church building, learning all those churchy language and churchy manner, that wouldn't help!

So, sometimes, there's nothing wrong having disco lights in a praise and worship.

To be honest, churches should be growing together or judging each others?

To be honest, hip hop is only for the world or hip hop can be taken over by Christians?

And most importantly, I came to this point that opposed all my other points......

People are starting to recognize church as 'fun, open-minded, loving, cool, awesome, western thinking' instead of knowing the love of Jesus Christ on cross.

They came for concert, they yelled, they came back to church again for other games but they just didn't believe in the salvation.

How can we really tell them about God?

This is what I learn from a preacher, Ewen Chow, one of the in-charged for 'ASIA FOR JESUS' and the leader of the Joshua Band.

We have to get these people to think, 'Wow, how could they do that?'

'How could they be so selfless in helping people?'

'How could they love us, I am such a sinner?'

'How could they be so successful even tough I work as harder as them?'

'How could they be so excellence?'

EXCELLENCE! Just like Daniel 1:3-4.

Then what you answered, 'No la, it's nothing......'

I will punch you then.

You would say, 'It is all because of God. God has changed my life.'

Christians shouldn't just be good at catching opportunities in studies and career, but good at catching souls for our God by bringing glory to His name. Amen!

Or else, concert is just a concert. Mission trip is just a mission trip. Speak in tongue is just speak in tongue(in terms of being a sign to non-believer).

God is my victory and He is here.

1.26 a.m, 1/6/2011

There was a lot things inside me summing up to a near depression. Sometimes I could feel I wasn't able to breathe on all these stress. I never felt that life is so fragile and realistic before especially when I am short of one thing, MONEY! And when negative thought steered my mind, things around seemed to be always upsetting, until I purposely tightened my tongue and 'said' to myself, 'What for praying?'

Then I figured out something better to calm myself down and at the same time humbled myself again before the LORD and did the same thing I always have to do for the rest of my life, 'SURRENDER'! I knew it! Whenever I was upset again, it was a signal that I held everything, all those burdens up on my shoulder again.

It was like a picture of an old joke passing around the people in olden times. The joke goes like this: An old farmer carrying two baskets of his own fruits, going to sell in the market. A lorry passed by, the driver had compassion for him and invited him to get a free ride. Indeed the old farmer had got on the lorry. But, guess what? He was still carrying the fruits on his shoulders when he stood on the lorry. This had just made nothing different and the offer of the lorry man came to no help.

And so, I listed down all my negative thoughts and my thought of God intervening as well as it is promised in the Scriptures to ease myself.

I failed. Why did I fail?
God has better plan for me. He wants to discipline me and things taken away will be returned in double portion as long as I follow His path.

My family is having financial difficulties.
Please read Psalm 23!

I am weak!
I am weak, so I am strong. Fear not, for the Lord is your strength.

People look down on me.
Psalm 73!

Actually I don't mind sharing what I am facing on blog. At the same time, I feel much better when I get back to the mindset which realize the presence of the Lord and nothing is impossible in Him. As long as I humble myself and ask of Him, He will guide me through everything.

And Hillsong's 'Desert Song' just told the rest. :)