Greetings.

FAILURE is a non-presence of success. Any fool can accomplish that. But FIASCO, is a disaster of mythic proportion, says Drew Baylor a.k.a Orlando Bloom in Elizabethtown.

This is a beautiful Sunday evening I wrote to you all for greetings. Finally, Kelantan won the cup! They gained the glory and I earned one day free of class.

It's still raining on and off this whole day. My clothes are tortured by the weather. But I love the rain. It ease my headache in a minor amount, at least.

Ah, yes. I watched a very inspiring video on Facebook. Time is getting me away from writing. Enjoy the video!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150229732515261&ref=mf

给母亲和大家的一封信

致亲爱的妈咪，

现在的我很平静的写这一封信。

说真的，这还是第一次我因为成绩而哭了；人生的第一次。因为我失败了，这也是我人生第一次坠到了谷底。

我考了三张测试，三张都不合格。[好彻底哦]

原本在我拿到成绩的当儿，在我看到那三个刺眼的“F”的时候，我竟然一点感觉也没有。教授一脸疑惑的看着我，看着一个不及格的华人，难以置信。

当我走出办公室门的那一刻，关心的朋友在一旁说，“她出来了。” 但是我心情很复杂，我很不愿意大庭广众的宣布，“Hey, I'm failed.”

我低着头，默不出声，拿起背包，迫不及待的溜走。

我想找个朋友看不见我的地方，然后打电话告诉你这个消息。但是我并没有如何的难过，反而，我已经预测到了，因为我没有付出真正的努力。

但是在拨电话的当儿，我的鼻子就酸了，我的泪水也来了。

我在想，“Rachel,你怎么可以这样的毫无感觉？你到底在干什么？妈咪和爸爸辛苦的把我抚养长大，终于盼到我拿到大学，费尽劳苦把我送来这里，我就这样一通冷漠的电话告诉他们，我不及格了，我赢了？”说真的，我没有付出过，在这里的一段日子，我除了埋怨，还是埋怨。

我不止在考试上失败了，我在作人方面也很失败。

当我遇上难题时，我不愿意去解决，我只会以泪洗脸，盼望尽早离开这里。我忘了，我真的忘了，当初我在面试的时候，我是如何满腔热血的对教授说，“是的，我要当医生，我要当一位好医生，我要帮助人。尽管我是物理生，但那从来不会是我的绊脚石。”

但是，我没有做到我所说的。

你和爸爸，都很支持我，并告诉我如果压力，难受，你们随时来带我回家。甚至，今天你竟然同意我去修读导演。

我很惊讶。但是我愧对了你，爸爸还有我自己。是我自己要选医科的，但是我没有付出努力，我对从前的我感到愧疚。

最重要的是，我要如何面对上帝呢？

Matric Physic，３．９５，拿到医科？这是上帝给我最大的恩赐了。但是我有珍惜过吗？没有，我好像觉得这是理所当然的，应该的。

回到房间，我感到心力交瘁。我躺在床上，不知该怎么办。

我哭是因为，我对不起你和爸爸，我对不起天父，我没有尽责任做一个好孩子。从小，我就觉得，你们疼弟弟多过我。但是，现在我并没有珍惜我所得到的。很多事情我办到的，弟弟都办不到，但是我没有珍惜过。反而，带给这个家庭最大伤害的人，就是我。

我很想走，很想逃避。我在想，上帝啊，我不及格了，为什么？

但是，我总是清楚，心中有另一把声音在告诉我留下来。那把声音要我相信，不要怕，我可以的。我第一次感到这么的清晰，我要听天父的话。做导演是从小的梦想，但是我好像很自然的想留下来。

其实前一晚很巧的，我读到了路加福音第四章，给了我很大的启示。

魔鬼曾对耶稣说，“你若是神的儿子，可以吩咐这块石头变成食物。”　但是耶稣并没有这么做。他回答說：經上記著說：人活著不是單靠食物，乃是靠神口裡所出的一切話。 ［但是我活着的意义呢？我并没有听天父的话，我活着好像为了自己的梦想，为了名和利。］

魔鬼又領耶稣上了高山，霎時間把天下的萬國都指給他看，對他說：這一切權柄、榮華，我都要給你，因為這原是交付我的，我願意給誰就給誰。 你若在我面前下拜，這都要歸你。 耶穌說：經上記著說：當拜主─你的神，單要事奉他。

［但是我呢？我没有珍惜上帝给我的祝福，也没有侍奉他。］

魔鬼又领耶稣到耶路撒冷去，叫他站在殿頂上，對他說：你若是神的兒子，可以從這裡跳下去；

因為經上記著說：主要為你吩咐他的使者保護你； 他們要用手托著你，免得你的腳碰在石頭上。耶穌對他說：經上說：不可試探主─你的神。

［这，更加地提醒我，我曾因认为自己是神的儿女，而觉得不必付出努力，因为神必定会让我及格。］

但是上帝并没有这么做，他要让我看见，有栽种才有收割。最重要的是，他要我顺服。他要我晓得，当我心里接受主耶稣的时候，我的生命就开始不同了。

因为从此我是为上帝而活，而不是为这个世界而活。

妈咪，对不起，我伤害了你，我让你失望。

但是这将会是我人生最大的一门功课。

我现在异常地平静，因为我学会了顺服。

当然，这次，我要说到做到。

It reminds me

I remembered as a child, I woke up 5 a.m in the morning, almost everyday. This was a benefit to stay with grandparents, I lived just like an old folk.

Even before the Sun rose nor the Gallus gallus made the morning call, Grandma started to buzz around for typical household chores.

I would, in my pj's, pacing up and down the front yard, waiting to say hi to my aunt as her school bus passed by. She is a very young cousin of my mother, who is 4 years older than me if I'm not mistaken. She is now pursuing postgraduate in biotechnology field.

While Grandpa, took a stool and sat on it in the front yard, watching the little soul activelty making sound and movements, at the same time, lighted up his first cigarette of the day.

It looked like a cold London night, when dim light of the lamppost shone on just two of us and smoke were seen as he puffed.

You would feel a fascinating silent as you heard school bus engine in distant became louder and louder when it moved towards your direction.

These were those days.

After this, we would frequent Pasar Pagi, the morning market.

Roti canai, chu cheong fan, ta mee were my favourire breakfast.

Weyy, not to forget the typical breakfast here, roti bakar smeared with kaya and half-boiled egg seasoned with soy sauce and pepper. [That was my memory with father.]

However, Mom never gave up on my education. She found the fiercest tuition teacher in my hometown which screwed my morning ever since.

But I enjoyed English class of another tuition teacher where we merely watched Muzzy in Gondoland at her place.

One time before the Mooncake Festival, as usual, lantern and mooncake were sold everywhere.

I stopped by the toy stall and made the Puss in Boats' innocent eyes to plead Grandpa for buying me toys.

Frankly, I wanted the remote controlled wheel loader. But instead, I was squating there, reluctantly to get up just to make Grandpa to buy a Pikachu electronic lantern. *swt*

I wasn't dare to ask for the exact thing I wanted.

But kids are simple. Don't you see? We want toys and we are happy whenever the adults nod their head and pay.

However, as we grow up, we don't get to have things we want anymore. Love, success and etc cannot be bought with money.

Somehow, they were exchanged with sins.

But mostly, we work hard to go for it.

And, we forgot that we should learn to giving more than taking.

Did you give love to people before you ask for it?

Did you love God when you doubt His love for you?