I was told by my father, that perhaps grandfather could hang in there for so long because he was waiting for me to come and say the last goodbye. And as I walked through the door of ICU ward and I saw him, supported by all these life machine, there was a hole on his leg where the bone was visible(according to my mother), most of his hair were shed off, he was many years older than the person few months ago. And I couldn't stop crying. I didn't know what were the last conversation we could have. My grandfather wasn't able to talk very much. All he was doing was giving response, yes or no. And I thought that at least, at least I made it, I made it to see him for the last time. And I said, "Grandpa, I had decided to try my best in doing my studies and hoping that I will be a doctor one day." "Good." That was all I heard but it was a word that reminded me of all the advice from my grandfather last time which he had been wishing to impact my life, to see me grow into a disciplined person. And all these happened on the day before he passed away.
During the years I stayed with my grandparents, I was rarely beaten by him because grandfather was hoping to reason with me about every situation instead of teaching me a lesson with just a stick and some cries. Yet in the last normal conversation I had with my grandfather, it was a confused grandchild in a depressed manner and a grandfather who was wishing very much from his heart that he could see me walking in the right path.
Grandfather was a person of strong will. He chose to drop out of school and worked for the living of his two parents and 12 other siblings. At the age of 12, he was already fishing the crabs to earn money. He told me that during the last time when their family was so poor, he had to hang the salted fish on the dinner table and by looking at the fish without eating it to finish his rice. Because of the story in his past, that he had been looked down by people even when he was buying groceries where people would ask first whether he had brought money with him, these pasts had molded my grandfather into a person which with very strong determination and he was able to make a good living for himself and his family today.
And so, he chose to go on with the surgery even when the doctor had been telling that the survival rate is not high. And while he was on the bed, kept alive by the machine, he still tried to move and exercise his injured leg, never gave up a hope of life!
I do not know about the feeling of the young people out there. But I need to say this, no matter what kind of difficulties that come to us, we could either let them beat us down or we let them making us stronger. And many times, our young people chose to end their lives, leaving behind confused and depressed parents yet not knowing that on the other side of the world, people were not giving up till the last breath.
In a world flooded with all kinds of social networks, communication had been made so easy and yet so simplified. Often we thought we could always get back to a person when we have time later. But things do not happen according to our plans. And we do not seek to love a person only after he/she is gone. Therefore, may you appreciate the time to be with your family and loved ones now.
And what I had been written here today couldn't measure up a portion what I had felt for my grandfather. I felt thankful for being loved by him, I felt thankful for having him in my life.
And it was raining when my grandfather passed away. And I was wondering why every time someone I know is gone, it will rain. And it reminded me of Jesus Christ crying when Lazarus was dead. And it reminded me that God loves every soul and He understand how I feel and also how every other person feel when they lost their family. And most important of all, He loves us so much that He is willing to give up His Son to save us. (John 3:16)
Grandpa, may you rest in peace.
