God is my victory and He is here.

1.26 a.m, 1/6/2011

There was a lot things inside me summing up to a near depression. Sometimes I could feel I wasn't able to breathe on all these stress. I never felt that life is so fragile and realistic before especially when I am short of one thing, MONEY! And when negative thought steered my mind, things around seemed to be always upsetting, until I purposely tightened my tongue and 'said' to myself, 'What for praying?'

Then I figured out something better to calm myself down and at the same time humbled myself again before the LORD and did the same thing I always have to do for the rest of my life, 'SURRENDER'! I knew it! Whenever I was upset again, it was a signal that I held everything, all those burdens up on my shoulder again.

It was like a picture of an old joke passing around the people in olden times. The joke goes like this: An old farmer carrying two baskets of his own fruits, going to sell in the market. A lorry passed by, the driver had compassion for him and invited him to get a free ride. Indeed the old farmer had got on the lorry. But, guess what? He was still carrying the fruits on his shoulders when he stood on the lorry. This had just made nothing different and the offer of the lorry man came to no help.

And so, I listed down all my negative thoughts and my thought of God intervening as well as it is promised in the Scriptures to ease myself.

I failed. Why did I fail?
God has better plan for me. He wants to discipline me and things taken away will be returned in double portion as long as I follow His path.

My family is having financial difficulties.
Please read Psalm 23!

I am weak!
I am weak, so I am strong. Fear not, for the Lord is your strength.

People look down on me.
Psalm 73!

Actually I don't mind sharing what I am facing on blog. At the same time, I feel much better when I get back to the mindset which realize the presence of the Lord and nothing is impossible in Him. As long as I humble myself and ask of Him, He will guide me through everything.

And Hillsong's 'Desert Song' just told the rest. :)