Out of Love

What should I write?

I had been going through hard times. I'm not sure some of you would have that thought popping up to you and say,'This is really not for you.' when you are studying.

Then I had a fight over phone with Mom. And a regret planted.

I told Mom my ambition. But she reminded me few months ago, I told her, 'I really wish to be a doctor'. What if when I felt tough when she gave me a second chance, I would tell her I want to be other thing again? Therefore, I don't have the gut to fight.

I felt appreciated when friends around me were asking, 'Are you okay?'

But the thing was, it wasn't that I'm stressed of study, but the time that limits me and also I lost the combat to fight for my dream.

Doctor is a stable job.

But isn't God say that, 'Do not worry about your life, what you will drink or about your body, what you will wear.' But Mom still kept saying, face the reality.

Then, I understand.

I remembered in previous lecture, a lecturer questioned, 'What is the purpose of life?'

I repeated the question to my friend again and expected her to give some feedback like, 'To study.' That would be very appropriate for this stressful season.

But she answered me sarcastically, 'To be Christian.'

Erm, an answer by a non-Christian who always thinks I'm a very religious person.

I would like to protest, everyone equally-sinned and when they all come in Christ's love, they do what God want as they love God.

There's no 'religious' in Christianity.

God prefer a flexible relationship. We pray, we commit everything to Him, we cast all our anxiety to Him and we don't do things our Father dislike, out of love. Out of the reason that we know this is not 'religious', but this is choosing Him.

A guy said on his blog, 'Ask Jesus to come, prove to me, then I'll be His follower.'

People love to see miracles.

I had a few testimonies in my life too. But God is not a brand, it doesn't mean that you don't buy Him anymore, when things you want do not come. If you seek for why, pray and ask Him.

Out of anger, I became determined.

But I realized, I had done so many things that let God down. Isn't I'm the one who pray to be doctor in future?

God say, 'Seek first my Kingdom and righteousness.'

Yes. Cuz they are more important than anything would be in your life.

Like what James 4:14 says, 'Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.'

I'm not sure I'm good at using examples.

It's just like a board game. The one who invents the board game set up the rules. But none of the players follow it, they think breaking the rule is cool and awesome, instead they listen to the next person who come and intervene the game, so the game is ruined. Only those who follow it, reach the goal.

I'm studying now by faith on Him and prayers.

Not by the concept that, 'Owh, life is so hard. It's my duty to work hard for that. This is life!'

I cherish very much that God love me and pick me. At least, I'm less worried than anyone. But His grace is abound.

And there's something more I wish to share,

1st Corinthians chapter 13,

¹If I speak in the tongues^a]">[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,^b]">[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1. 我若能说万人的方言，并天使的话语，却没有爱，我就成了鸣的锣，响的钹一般。

2. 我若有先知讲道之能，也明白各样的奥秘，各样的知识，而且有全备的信，叫我能够移山，却没有爱，我就算不得什么。

3. 我若将所有的赒济穷人，又舍己身叫人焚烧，却没有爱，仍然于我无益。

4. 爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈；爱是不嫉妒；爱是不自夸，不张狂，

5. 不做害羞的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，

6. 不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理；

7. 凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。

8. 爱是永不止息。先知讲道之能终必归于无有；说方言之能终必停止；知识也终必归于无有。

9. 我们现在所知道的有限，先知所讲的也有限，

10. 等那完全的来到，这有限的必归于无有了。

11. 我作孩子的时候，话语像孩子，心思像孩子，意念像孩子，既成了人，就把孩子的事丢弃了。

12. 我们如今彷佛对着镜子观看，模糊不清（原文作：如同猜谜）；到那时就要面对面了。我如今所知道的有限，到那时就全知道，如同主知道我一样。

13. 如今常存的有信，有望，有爱这三样，其中最大的是爱。