Back in those days in matriculation where I started to think of becoming a DOC

I always told people I decided to take medicine when I was in matriculation, the reason being that I watched Grey's Anatomy during free time in the hostel, and I found that saving lives is a cool thing to do. And today while I was clearing my laptop, I'm shocked to find things I written back in those days. I remember during my final year in medical school, which was not long ago, I told my friend I had a thing for paediatrics, perhaps a paediatrics surgeon...and I am real shocked to find that I wrote the same thing 7 years ago which I already forgotten...is God trying to tell me something? I dont know...and mind you at that time I was a physical science student, and it was a 180 degree turn when I change my ambition from being a geologist to becoming a doct

p.s do not laugh at my silly English and stories

[This is it.] written on 1/24/2010

Honestly, I don't like kids. I FIND nothing we called innocent in them, they make noise, they are a mean art and their affinity to cunning is despicable. I wouldn't say any word about imbecile, in fact, we shouldn't use that term on any normal human as well as yourself for some awkward, annoying situation. This is cruel and plus, I also would never use that on kids I dislike. They are not mental retarded, they are hyperactive which oppose an aloof person like me. Literally, Rachel is a passive person.
  However, Lord Jesus Christ loves children. He even said anybody who can do like a child gets to enter the kingdom of God. Don't misunderstand but we are not trying to act immature like a kid, but they have pure and clean heart, we hardly find evil in a kid either, none.
  But, I like babies. Not to say they are cute, but I have a rush in heart to hug a baby, close to my chest and tell the little angel that he/she is not alone and I love him/her. I once considered to be a pediatric surgeon, but it's hard for me to see kids fight for life, and sometimes they are miraculously tougher than any adult until we can no more labeling them as mischievous, immature and non-sense. And I wouldn't be able to grab a scalpel and cut them open.
  I'm still proud with myself that started at 5, I'm already capable of drinking and 5 tins of beers still can't beat me down. But strangely, on that wedding dinner I attended before got on the Konsortium that brought me back to where I belong to, my "lovely" college~, I didn't drink. I was not going to drive a bus after an hour and a half, instead I was the one who will lay down on the passenger cushion and sleep, but still, I didn't drink, even a drop. I drank mineral water at the whole dinner including the part where we stood up and shouted "Yum Sheng" (cheers)!!!
  It's sounded like I'm awake and aware of what myself is doing that I should take care of myself first before I go and take care of others. It feels that I am quite firm with myself now to be a doctor. And the vision seems clearer than ever. I would like to dispatch my love to the needy, to those who are in want, to those who can have a better life if we save them by our medical knowledge and of course, I wouldn't forget to pray for them and have them hearing gospel or to say, knowing that God loves them too.

of course during the process, I had doubts too...
[Dream~] written on 2/28/2010

No more rush to be a surgeon, perhaps it's just an instant passion.
  I find doctor is good, but that's just not for me. I felt quite ashamed of myself of not being as hardworking as the Life Stream students. Looking at them, I saw a group of future good doctors, and I'm just not one of them. Even before, they had known to their friendly smile which I'm sure, these would be just fine to the patients.
  Then, what about Rachel now?
  She is just another indecisive person.

[No Subject Today~] written on 3/5/2010

Well, coming to the main point, I had been ill for three days. But I'm getting better. The nasal congestion and coughing are subsiding. And I had an unexpected experience in the hospital. There's a Klinik Ibu dan Anak(pediatric unit). And I saw a mother carrying her child so delicate that she's holding the little angel carefully.